I have been doing a little bit of thinking…on various things but more importantly on “us”. I also do realize that I have said this a number of times but we somehow never do anything about it & things gradually move to normalcy…but I do feel strongly, this time, that I need a break. It’s a relationship that is going nowhere and has no future….couple with hence lack of commitment & priority is each other’s lives. I mean frankly I’m tired of being a second priority in everything and I know it’s not your fault. And while its imp. to understand and all, the fact is that I don’t want to understand. We did start off knowing this but what the heck, I did not think we would come this far too.. .Anyway, it’s a lot of risk that we take and with passing time you obviously need to invest more in the relationship else it dies. Most of these days, we are arguing about why either one of us has no time, explaining why D/the World is more imp. etc etc. It no more gives us that happiness resulting in no desire to meet or look forward to it…I don’t want it to be a burden for you…where you feel u have got stuck with someone whom u need to explain, more importantly be scared to talk to etc etc. Pls don’t get me wrong but I need a break of a few days to get my head sorted and clean up my thoughts.
The whole weekend I was pondering over what happened…just too many fixed feelings…anger, sadness, depression…I don’t know whether I’m angry coz you didn’t keep your commitment or whether why did you make one if you couldn’t keep it…It’s OK if you would have said not possible to keep it, but why would you make one and then not keep it? And you said so easily, matter of fact that you hadn’t kept it…Or am I angry coz you didn’t even tell me that you had broken the promise? I don’t know…whether I can believe what you say to me, I don’t think completely…
Ironical, but is it too much to expect transparency from our relationship? Is the pain worth it? I don’t know…
Guess I don’t know anything... A bundle of confusion I am, am I not?
